Case Study #1: Buttless Baby Breeches
· Day 1: Got off the airplane; it’s a stuffy, smallish airport. Weather outside is gray, humid, and hot. Looks similar to thick San Francisco fog, but suspect that the gray here is primarily just smog. Since no signs are in English, I followed the herd of people that I recognized from my flight over to the baggage claim area. There are only two belts. Guess I’m in the right place. Looking around I’ve noticed a few things right off the bat: I’m the only foreigner in the room, the people are much taller than I expected, and several people have luxury Versace looking luggage but instead of the traditional V emblem dappled everywhere, there are golden embroidered Mickey Mouses. Lastly, and most alarmingly, I just spied a little boy whose pants are split completely down the back. I wasn’t expecting to see a full moon my first day in China, but there it is. His pants are missing the essential fabric from the top of his butt crack to practically his ankles. He’s only a tiny little bugger so I suppose they have different standards of modesty here, but still, I can’t believe his parents haven’t fixed his pants or given him new ones. Furthermore, he isn’t wearing any diapers. That’s just an accident waiting to happen.
· Day 2: The weather outside is gray, humid and hot. Am now certain that the San Francisco-esque fog is really just smog. Was walking on the street and saw two more children/toddlers with pants split down the backside. Have determined that assless chaps are the common fashion trend for the youngsters here. Cuts down on waste from diapers I suppose; but what happens when the kids have to go to the bathroom?
· Day 3: Was walking along the busy streets of downtown Hefei and nearly stepped in a small stream of water coming from the steps outside a restaurant. At first assumed it was just the liquid that drips from all the air conditioners everywhere. Looked down directly to my right and saw a grandma holding a small baby out over the steps. The baby was relieving himself almost directly onto my leg. Grandma didn’t seem fazed. Neither did any of the people around. Will now be much more cautious anytime I am walking near a suspicious puddle.
· End of week 1: Have now seen the assless chaps in action in a wide array of places. In the middle of a crowded street, over a garbage can on the bus, on the granite steps outside of a KFC. I guess these partial-pants are more convenient for immediate relief. Clearly none of the locals find anything strange about youngsters’ private parts being unabashedly displayed to the public, nor are they offended by the bathroom practices, so I suppose I’ll just have to get used to it.
· End of week 2: Was walking to the bus stop and noticed a young girl squatting by one of the nicely planted young trees that lines the road. Squatting is normal here, people of all ages squat anytime they have a minute to rest. I don’t mean to say they are going to the bathroom, they are merely squatting. This little girl (not actually all that little, maybe 10 years old or so) had her pants around her ankles though, so clearly she wasn’t just squatting to take a break. By now I had gotten used to seeing youngsters going pee whenever and wherever they needed to with little concern about being completely visible to anyone passing by. To my utter horror, this girl was not going pee. And her parents and lots of people were right there watching her! My world was shaken, now not only did I have to watch out for piles of poochie poo, but I would have to look out for toddler terds as well.
· Lessons learned: Watch your step. Don’t freak out when you see babies that only appear to be three quarters of the way dressed. Don’t walk to close to a grandparent that is holding a baby in sitting position. If you are standing near a baby with buttless breaches on the bus, make sure you are out of the firing range. Better yet, move away just to make sure.
Supplementary reading: visit this site and my photo gallery
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