A Year and Four Months Later
Goodbyes are always tricky. Coming to the end of something
profound and life-defining is difficult to process. It’s hard enough to say
goodbye to a person, but how do I say it to an experience? How do I begin to
tell others of what my time in China has meant to me when I really don’t have
it figured out yet myself? How can I write about China in the past tense when
it still feels like I’ll be going back there tomorrow, or next week?
I left home with a particular agenda. I wanted to gain
teaching experience, I wanted to see as much of China as I could, and I wanted
to come back fluent in Mandarin. Though I failed miserably on the last goal, I
managed to accomplish the other two with flying colors. But the funny thing
about when you make plans and set goals is that they change over time, and they
evolve. And on this particular trip, I know that in many ways I’ve probably
changed and evolved as well, but I’ll have to wait until I’m back home to
really see if that’s true and to what extent. I didn’t know what to expect in
coming to China, but this is a rambling commentary of the things I’ve observed,
the things I’ve learned, and what will leave a lasting impression on my mind.
First and foremost, China is a great nation. Not only is it
a huge landmass (only Russia, Canada and the U.S. are larger) but it is also
the oldest continual civilization in the world, with its history dating back
more than 4,000 years. It is the most populous nation on earth, and is home to
some of the most impressive and iconic wonders of the world. It is the land of
the Great Wall and the Giant Panda. It is the land of the Forbidden City and a
land where most citizens are forbidden to have more than one child. It is the
land of gunpowder, calligraphy and Confucius. It is a land rich in symbolism
and superstition. Fireworks are still lit to scare away evil spirits, large
stone sculptures of lions, elephants, dragons and other animals still stand
silent guard in front of both old and new buildings. It is a nation in balance,
always practicing the principles of Yin and Yang, always making note of the
Feng Shui.
In art classes I learned about scale and perspective. Coming
to China was like being dropped into the middle of one of those lessons until
the concepts were burned into my memory. Everything in China is done on a much
larger scale than what I am used to at home. Apartment buildings are nearly all
high rises, and they can make the skyline of a city go on seemingly forever.
Billboards are much bigger here, and they are nearly always lit up and capable
of showing flashy video. In fact, everything is lit up here all the time. Including
men’s cigarettes, incense, and fireworks. From my perspective, China lacks
finesse and often overlooks adding the finishing touches on the things they
build, wear or produce. If they are painting a wall, they won’t add a drop
cloth or worry about the drips that remain on the floor. At home in America when something
breaks we typically joke that it was probably made in China, and are smugly
satisfied when we are proven right by checking the tag. In China, everything
breaks all the time, and it’s pretty much all made in China. It’s the really
crappy grade stuff they would never even think of sending to America. But they
seem to take it as a matter of course that you just keep fixing it over and
over again, or buy a new crappy product that’s going to break over and over
again. But in spite of all the shortcomings or differences, China is still
great.
Some of us fear it because we don’t know or understand it.
But while other countries are busy with debating, debt and diplomacy, China is
busy doing, doing, doing. True, it’s a terrifying prospect to think about what
will happen if their economic bubble bursts, but for the time being they don’t
seem to be worried about it and instead are focused on building the latest and
the greatest. They tear apart big roads to build bigger ones. They demolish
high rise buildings to erect higher ones. They are masters at imitating or
copying things that other people have invented and created, and are constantly busy
trying to improve upon all of the things they have recently mastered. While
other countries are busy trying to just stay afloat, China is busy trying to be
Number One.
In China, the concept of Face is a big deal. It’s similar to
the Western notion of image and status and reputation. In recent history China
was repeatedly losing face. First when the British introduced Opium and the
Chinese were essentially doped and duped. More foreigners followed and set up
shop in a country that had historically been closed. After the Boxer Rebellion
failed and they couldn’t manage to kick out the “foreign devils," things kept
getting worse, perhaps worst of all when the Japanese invaded and used the
Chinese’s last emperor as a puppet for their own benefit. Unable to do anything
themselves, China relied on foreign powers to save them. At this point they
pretty much had no face left, so they turned their backs on the world, once
again closed their doors and began the difficult task of rebuilding. They
survived horrors at their own hands during the Cultural Revolution, and in a
shockingly short amount of time have managed to regain a sense of self, reclaim
their lost sense of power and pride and have rejoined the global scene as a
nation with plenty of Face and a booming voice not to be ignored.
Because I want to be a teacher when I return the U.S., I am constantly looking at things from the perspective of a potential educator. This experience has made several things clear to me. We learn what we think is relevant to us. History is subjective. There is so much worth knowing in the world that nobody could ever possibly learn it all. Perhaps most pertinent to me is that as the world shrinks due to technology, it is becoming increasingly important to be familiar with other cultures and histories. Maybe China and other Asian countries had a limited relevance in my life prior to this experience, but they will always be important to me now.
Interestingly, in my time traveling the Orient I’ve learned
that American culture is the global ideal. Many Chinese people would ask me
where I was from and when I told them I was American they would say things
like, “America, very good. China no good.” “America number one!” They always
had big smiles and were genuinely thrilled to be speaking to an American. I
would tell them that China was very good too, and sometimes they would shake
their heads, then give a thumbs up and reemphasize “America, very good.” My
friend in living in Vietnam noticed the same odd phenomenon. When the people I
spoke to indicated that China was not good, it always boiled down to the idea
of freedom. American’s have it and the Chinese don’t. Many countries don’t. But
when I left the U.S. it was partly because I needed to get away from our
excessive freedoms and the growing sense of entitlement. I always knew
overpopulation was a global problem, but in China’s congested and
claustrophobia inducing streets it’s blaringly obvious, and China is one of the
few nations I have heard of that is actually doing anything about it. Don’t
worry, I’m not advocating a one child policy world-wide, but it seems somehow
wrong that nearly a quarter of the worlds’ population is limited to one child,
and in America one family is allowed to have 19. And what’s worse is that this
family gets rewarded with fame and a TV show. And don’t get me started on
Octomom.
Clearly, being abroad has opened my eyes to how other people
live. It has shown me the extravagances and embarrassing cultural excesses that
are dragging America down in the eyes of the world, but it has also made me see
clearly and acutely just how lucky each U.S. citizen is to live in that
beautiful nation. Sometimes I thought I would go crazy from all the chaos, the
odors, and from the lack of respect or regard one encounters with strangers
wherever you go in China. I was able to make it through knowing I would be able
to go home. Home where people are polite to one another, because that’s our
culture. They’re not intentionally rude in China; they’ve just never had the
custom to be aware of others. But going back to Mei Guo, literally meaning
Beautiful Land, would also mean that after I wash my clothes I would be able to
dry them with a dryer. That one day I would live in a house with a yard, not
have my entire family crammed in some tiny apartment on the 20th
floor. In America I’ll be able to have a garden and a dog. If my neighbors are
loud at random hours of the night, I have the right to make them respect my
wish to be quiet. The things you take
for granted at home jump out at you when you are away. Things like schedules
and orderly lines. Things like customer service, traffic laws being enforced,
and a general regard for public safety. Or the simple luxury of being able to
buy anything you could possibly want. Whether it’s a rare ingredient at the
grocery store or something you have to search for online; if you have the money
you will be able to get what you desire. In China it was a battle for me just
to find cheese that tasted like rubber, forget about gorgonzola or Gouda.
But in spite of the trouble China sometimes threw at me, I know it was a valid and invaluable experience. I’ve learned so much about myself, about the Chinese culture and about life in general. I’ve learned that people may look different, speak different languages and have different customs, but generosity, kindness and friendship are universal. The feeling you get from being around people who care about you and care about others will always warm you on cold days. The world is filled with wonderful, kind hearted people. There will always be some bad apples no matter where you go, but it’s comforting to realize that certain outlooks and philosophies exist everywhere but that they may just go by different names in different lands.
When I saw a rainbow in Dali, it gave me the same sense of
hope as it would if I had seen it back home. When I saw the sun rise over misty
peaks of Huangshan, it gave me the same sense of serenity and awe that I would
get if I saw it rise from behind the jagged Cascades in Seattle’s backyard. And
so, though I find it difficult to say goodbye to China and the people who touched
my life and the experiences I had there, in the words of Carol Sobieski and
Thomas Meehan from Annie, “How lucky
I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”